Legolas by Self Insert Mary Sue
by Shiny Silver Eevee
Summary: Silver makes a commentary about legolas by laura, everyones favorite LoTR fanfiction. Rated M for overusage of swearing, and rape.


**I just HAD to post a commentary on this badfic! I'll admit, I barely know much about LoTR, but this fic doen't look like it ties to canon in ANY. WAY. POSSIBLE.**

**So, without further ado, sit back and get an infected brain.**

**legolas by laura**

Legolas was riding along the woods and one day he found a baby whaped in colth so he got off his horse and went to the baby and then Legolas said"who left you here little one"and then the baby just cryed and then Legolas pick her up and hold her and then the baby stoped crying and then Legolas said"your name is going be Laura"and then Legolas and the baby went onto the horse and went back to the castle where he lived. **Long sentence is long.**

Legolas said"father mother I found this little baby in the woods and then Legolas mother got up and walked down and said"how can people put baby in the woodsand to die". **Because how else is Legolas and Laura going to meet?**

Then Legolas father said"we are going to keep her"and then Legolas was happy for someriseing. **For his sick, perverted mind.**

10 Years Later

Legolas got up and went into Laura's room and said"good moring"and then Laura said "good moring too".Then Legolas said"whats a matter"and then Laura said"Legolas I want to know how to ride a horse".Then Legolas said"Ok"and then Legolas said"first you get dresses **I don't think dresses make good clothing for horseriding**

and have something to eat and then we will go for a horse ride lesson".Mean while Strider **From what I heard, his name is Aragorn**

and Gandalf was rideing towards where Legolas lived and then Strider** Aragorn**

said"Gandalf I did not know Legolas had a sister" **HE'S HAD ONE FOR TEN FUCKING YEARS**

andthen Gandalf said"I did not know aswell". **Aren't you supposed to be a wise magician?**

Mean While at Mondor the dark lord was planing to kidnap the princess **Peach**

but not Legolas. **So our Mary Sue is a damsel. I bet the Dark Lord has the I.Q of Tara and Sara**

Then the boss of the Orcs came and said"I'll get her for you sir"and then the Dark lord said"yes you can".

Mean while Legolas and Laura was horseriding and then Laura said"Legolas whos that"and then Legolas looked and it was Gandalf and said"that is Gandalf and Strdier"and then Strider said"Legolas"and then Legolas said"Strider long time seen" and then Strider said"hows you"and then Legolas said"I am fine"and then Gandalf said"whos this then"and then Legolas said"meet Laura I found her in the woods when she was just a baby".Laura was shy at first and then Legolas said"Laura come and meet Strider and Gandalf"and then Laura said"hello I am Laura**, a Mary Sue who will be kidnapped by Bowser... I mean the Dark Lord**".

Legolas said"she is the princess **Peach**"and then Strider said"she is so cute" **But not kawaii**

and then Legolas said"that will be my falut" **That you let Peach/Elise/Zelda/Bella/Olive Oil/Pauline/ any other damsel that gets kidnapped constantly get kidnapped?**

and then Gandalf said"why"and then Laura said"he protects me thats why" **LIES**

and then Legolas looked up and said"I think we should go back to the castle"and then Laura said"I can feel it too". **Feel what?**

Legolas said"do you want to stay for a night"and then Gandalf and Strider said"yes please" **Even wise magicians need to use manners**

and then they had tea and went to the night Legolas ask the gards to keep an eye on Laura's while the Orcs climed up the window and grabed Laura **Remind you of some certain guards from a certain game franchise where there is a certain princess named Zelda?**

and then Laura woke up and screamed and then the gard went into her room and saw lots of Orcs **DO SOMETHING, DUMBFUCK** and then Legolas ran down the Legolas said"where is Laura"and then the gards said"the Orcs took her". **They must be the Hylian guards**

Mean while the Orcs was back at Mondor and then Laura said"put me down"and then the Orcs did **Always listen to the Sue**

and then the Dark lord came out of the fire **Without burning to death? Must be a Pokemon**

and said"welcome Laura" _**EVEN THE BAD GUY IS NICE TO MISS SELF INSERT?! BULLSHIT**_

and then Laura looked at him and said"no it can't be" **Yes it is**

and then she tryed to run away but the Orcs got her. **I like these Orcs**

Then the Dark lord said"put her into the cell and bet her **They are gonna bet with Laura? Going easy on her, don't cha think?**

and also do what ever you want with her but do not kill her".** I WANT HER KILLED. WE ALL WANT HER KILLED**

Then the Orcs took her to the cell and trow her into the cell and then they shut the go up and went to the window and looked out and she was wishing that Legolas or someone will save her. **I don't want her rescued. I want to see the bet!**

Mean while back at the castle of Milkwood Legolas was getting the army ready to go and save while **Well, if the meanwhile is only gonna be one sentence, we don't need that meanwhile**

Laura was sitting on the floor and then the door opened and it was some Orcs and the Orcs tied Laura with some chains and then one of the Orcs striped her and then he raped her _**SHE'S TEN FOR ARCEUS SAKE**_

and then Laura said"go away you bastard". **For a ten year old, that's a pretty calm way to say go away after you got raped**

Then another Orc came with a whip and whiped her hard and then the Orcs all togeter bet her almost to death **I'm guessing the Orcs won the bet?**

and then the Dark Lord came in with a tube of Posion and then he injeted into Laura. **Now Laura will die, right? WRONG**

Few hours later

Legolas and the others was on the way to Mondor to save princess Laura. **You mean Peach**

Mean while in the cell where Laura was been kept Laura woke up and she looked on her body there was blood and scars she only could move her right arm but not her left. **It's broken then**

Then Laura said"I feel so cold"and then she can't see very the frount gates of Mondor was Legolas and the others and then they said"let Laura go"and then the Dark lord said"no" **Well, this is dramatic**

and then Legolas said"right lisson I'll will clim up to the cell and get Laura and you and the others will find another way Strider said"alright" and then Legolas started to clim while Strider and the others ran into Mondor and went into the said"I'll will go and kill the Dark lord and you and the others go and help Legolas". **Legolas told them to help YOU, Gandalf**

Strdier said"becareful"and then Gandalf said"I will don't you worry about me".

Mean while Legolas got to the cell where Laura said"Laura are you in there"and then Laura said"Oh Legolas you finally came"and then Legolas said"are you alright"and then Laura said"no I am not alright"and then Legolas said"they bet you up and raped you also the Dark lord gave you the posion"and then Laura said"how did you know that".Then Legolas said"when I was your age they did the samething to me". **Damn. The Orcs and Dark Lord are pedophiles**

Then Laura said"can you get me out of here"and then Legolas said"ok stand back"and then he ran back and ran towards the door and knock it down.

Laura said"wow"and then Legolas looked and saw she was coved in Blood and scars also she was naked"and then Legolas said"why they did it to you not me"and then the Orcs came and said"because she got a power and she can distoy us all the bad guys". **ZOMG, most original plot device EVAH!1**

Then the fright began **This entire fic is a fright**

Legolas got out his bow and arrows andstarted fireing at Legolas saw some swords and said"Strider is that you"and then Strider said"yes it is"and then Legolas and the others started to kill the Orcs. **Huh?**

Mean while Gandalf is have a fun time **You're having **_**FUN?!**_

trying to distory the Dark said"I wish Frodo and Merry and Pippen and Sam was here"and then a sword came out of nowhere and said"some wished us here"and then Gandalf turned and said"Frodo baggins why you doing here".Then Frodo said"we came to help you and also we got rid of the ring" **I'm confused. This is just going nowhere**

and then the Dark Lord said"oh no"and then the magical powers from Gandalf distoryed the Dark lord. ***Insert victory theme from Final Fantasy here***

Mean while Legolas and Strider and the others was helping Laura down and Strider took off his cape and put it around Laura.

FEW HOURS LATER

Legolas and the others are on the way back to the said"we must go to Rivendell to get Laura better".Then Gandalf said"I think you are right"and then they turned around and went to looked down on Laura and put his hand onto Laura's head and she was bruning went aside of Legolas horse and looked and said"she is getting wose"and then Legolas said"I know".

FEW HOURS LATER

They were at Rivendell and Legolas stayed at Laura's side everyday intill she wakes up and then Legolas kissed Laura on her lips **This is just brotherly love, right? _Right?_**

and then she moved her arms around Legolas and then Legolas said"all you alright"and then Laura said"yes I am".Legolas said"I am soo **Soo is overused by **_**My Inner Life**_**. I'm guessing Laura must've read it**

happy"and then Laura said"Do you want to be my boyfriend"and then Legolas said"yes I will be your boyfriend" _**WHA-? **_**PEDOFILE!1 GET CPS RIGHT NOW**

and then Laura and Legolas kissed again. _**Noo! **_**Not the kiss! It buurns! *Gets sucked into the Book of Koridai***

Laura said"what happened to me Legolas" _**You don't fucking know?**_** YOU SAW THE WHOLE THING YOU LITTLE BITCH**

and then Legolas said"you got kidnaped by the Orcs and they raped you and also bet you almost to death and then the Dark lord gave you some posion"and then Laura said"why I can only move on arm"and then Legolas said"your left arm is broken".** Earlier in the paragraph Laura moved them both just fine.**

Then the door opened and it was Strider and then Laura said"Hello Strider"and then Strider said"I see you are awake"and then Laura **died. The end.**

**I LOVE endings that finish mid sentence. Gives the reader an idea of what happened. I, you see, made the **_**BAST ENDING EVAR!1**_

**Well, I guess bye. :3**


End file.
